Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Great Panda Heist

By: Spooky Mistwallow

Part One: Extincto and Mr. Chen

This, Mr. Chen, is unacceptable. All my work. Months of careful planning... and for what? To Destroy only a handful of pandas?"

"But, sir, it's hardly MY fault."

"Do you have ANY idea, lizard, how difficult it was to create an earthquake of such magnitude?"

"I'm sure it was difficult but-

"What is my name, Chen?"

"I hardly think-


The little chameleon shivered with the intensity of his master's anger and clasped his hands with great anxiety before him. "Extincto! Vilus Morgio Extincto!"

The irate man took up pacing the small, ramshackle room. "Exactly. And Vilus Extincto doesn't appreciate failure, Mr. Chen. He hates it almost as much as he hates Giant Pandas. Almost, but not quite."

"It wasnt a total failure, sir. You managed to kill a few. You destroyed the Wolong Panda Center. You even caused enough landslides to all put devistate the bamboo forests! You watch, sir. Before long the pandas will drop one by one as their food supply dwindles."

"Yes... Starvation. Excellent..."

"After all, there are only about fifteen hundred Giant Pandas left. Light work for the likes of the great Extincto!"

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH! They should have perished with that earthquake, Mr. Chen, over which I toiled long and on your bad advice."

"But I didn't-

"You're a salamander. How could you not know about these things? This is all your fault!"

"I'm a chameleon."

"You're a failure, that's what you are."

"And why the pandas, sir? What have they done to deserve your wrath?"

"They're cute, lizard. I can't stand cute things. It is my purpose in life to rid the world of such ridiculous levels of cuteness. It makes me sick just to look at their cute, furry faces. I swear they're smiling. Mocking me."

"I'm not a lizard." The tiny chameleon frowned. After all, he had always thought he was rather cute as far as chameleons go. "Am I not cute, sir?"

"That's what I like most about you, Chen. You're ugly."

The chameleon closed his eyes against such harsh realization, spoken by one who would know and with such honesty. He was ugly...

"I must collect them, Mr. Chen. I will make slippers out of them. I'll hang them as curtains; wipe my feet on them when I come in the door." Extincto smiled his evilest smile and wrung his hands with anticipation. "I shall rid the earth of them once and for all. Eradicate them. Imagine it, Chen. A world without pandas. Gone forever. And I do mean forever."

The chameleon turned away and wiped a single tear from his tiny face, chasing the word 'ugly' from his mind before his master saw how upset it had made him. "But, sir, you know he'll come for them."

Extincto spun on his heel and jabbed an accusing finger at Mr. Chen. "DO NOT SAY THE NAME. There is only one individual in this world whom I fear, lizard, and we both know who it is."

"The Hunter?"


"But, sir, if you kidnap all the pandas, The Hunter will come for them. He'll save them."

"Not if I can help it. Now come. I have a plan. We need to get to Deviant Designs by nightfall."